Female Orgasm

Given the practical nature of sex (book-learning only gets you so far!) we tend to assume that sex experts must have personal experience to support their ‘expertise’.

Yet such is our society’s embarrassment over sex that even when a person, in a position of authority, is advising others about sex we think it improper to ask them to account for their sexual experiences. Even though these experiences constitute their primary qualifications.

Most women, sex experts or not, never learn to masturbate. Without the knowledge of how to achieve their own orgasm through masturbation, they never learn how their own sexual arousal works and that genital stimulation is required for orgasm as much for women as it is for men.

We even accept men advising on female orgasm because of the misconception that women respond to physical sex play much as men do. But women do not approach sex aroused enough (in their minds) for physical stimulation to be effective (lead to orgasm).

Given that so many women either mistake orgasm or fake it, it seems unlikely that many men have ever been with a woman who knows how to achieve her own orgasm. In any event while a woman simply lies there waiting for a man to give her an orgasm, she will never take responsibility for her achieving her own sexual arousal.

The fact is that men learn about how their mental arousal works through masturbation. But heterosexual women can claim to reach orgasm during sex without any need to acknowledge how they achieve sufficient psychological arousal for orgasm.

Providing intimate details of a sexual relationship

Some people object when intimate details are provided to describe sexual activity between two people. They assume that the author is either trying to impress or to shock. I have provided personal details of my sex life for two main reasons.

When I first started out, I was tempted to talk about sex generally because it was embarrassing to be specific. Over time I learned that it was easy to end up talking at cross purposes unless you are specific. One person’s ‘you know what I mean’ is not necessarily the same as another’s. In fact, shockingly they can be quite the opposite.

Women rarely masturbate or pay for sex as men do. Equally, many of the stranger sexual behaviours (e.g. fetishes) tend to be associated with men rather than women. On top of all of this we encourage women to limit their sexual experiences to vaginal intercourse even though intercourse is not designed, either physically or psychologically, to facilitate female orgasm.

Unsurprisingly, since the vagina has few nerve endings, I experience no arousal whatsoever from intercourse. My best orgasms come from masturbation alone but I also feel some highly pleasurable sexual arousal (and a kind of physical orgasm) from anal sex. After many years, I have also found ways to incorporate my sexual fantasies into my sex life.

Naturally all of this is very shocking. But if heterosexual women want to enjoy orgasm then they need to admit to some erotic or ‘naughty’ thoughts and deeds. How else does a person become aroused enough for orgasm? Women who insist that vaginal intercourse works for them despite all the known facts cause unnecessary confusion over how female orgasm is achieved.

The other reason that I want to be explicit about the details of my sexual experiences is in order to counteract people who will imply that I know nothing about sex, orgasm and fantasy. Inevitably when a woman admits to a lack of orgasm during sex, other people helpfully suggest she must be sexually inhibited, sexually ignorant or with a partner who is sexually incompetent.

So I need to tick all the boxes. OK – I’ve not had sex with hundreds of different men. But women who are promiscuous can be criticised for setting a ‘bad example’ to younger women. So I’m heterosexual. I’ve lived with my partner for over twenty years. I have three daughters. I am college educated and we have made the most of exploring sex together.

Over the years, like many other couples, we have found that achieving female orgasm as part of our sexual relationship is not easy. Others will claim otherwise but they never provide enough factual detail to make it clear that it is not just sexual bravado.



By: Jane Thomas

About the Author:

Branson

Toys aren’t just for kids anymore. And with the vast array of sex toys that are being made and created for adults, there’s no reason for you to not find something that pleases you—in so very many ways.

Talking about sex

The trick with talking about sex and things that you’d like to do in order to improve your sex life is to not bring it up right after or right before you’re actually doing the ‘deed.’

You want to find a time that’s outside of the bedroom and unrushed. Talk in a secluded corner of a restaurant or in your kitchen. Stay out of the bedroom for the moment. You don’t want to cause any undue pressure and scare him or her away.

Be honest and open about what you’ve been thinking about. Are you thinking about trying some new toys in general or do you want to share some finds with your partner? Talk about the benefits that you’ve discovered, and see what their feelings are as well. They may be perfectly open to trying something new.

But if they aren’t, then you may want to avoid putting any pressure on them. See if you can discuss it further down the road, and let them initiate anything further.

When they’ve said yes

When your partner has agreed to try some things out, don’t jump up and down (wait until they’re gone for that), but start the conversation about things that sound like fun.

Many times, going onto an Internet site together is the best way to look without pressure or embarrassment. Not that there’s any reason for you to be embarrassed, but someone who is new can feel very vulnerable and timid. The anonymity of online can be very helpful. There are also user reviews many times as well as pictures.

There are many websites on the web to get you started on the road to pleasure. Look for the REAL user reviews as well as the great pictures. You’ll be sure to see something that you like, or something you’d like to try out. With the clear menus and thousands upon thousands of options, you’re sure to be caught looking for hours.

Online shopping gives you anonymity and discreetness. And without a salesperson or clerk looking over your shoulder, you can take your time and really pick out what you want. There’s no one trying to force you into buying something because they need a commission.

Starting off

One of the first forays into sex toys is usually a vibrator or dildo for a woman. Many women can not climax with just penetration or they need something to fill up the lonely days. Vibrators are terrific because not only can they stimulate vaginally, but they can also be used on the clitoris as well.

And although it seems like there aren’t as many toys for men, you just have to look a little harder. Why not try out a penis pump or a penis ring? Both of these can create an overwhelming sensation in the sensitive penis tip. Rings in general work by creating a sense of sensory deprivation, so that the man can ‘last longer’ until the opportune moment.

These can be especially difficult to purchase in person, especially if you’re a newbie. Try an online site to scope out the choices before settling on one penis toy or another.

A little more advanced

If you’re tried the vibrators and the penis toys, then you’re ready to venture into other areas. Anal play is something that many couples would like to try, but they’re not quite sure how to begin.

Anal beads can be a great way to give an added sense of stimulation during any other sexual acts. Of course, dildos and vibrators can also be used for this purpose, but these can be overly large and difficult for the beginner. Start off small and use a lot of lubricant to help with the beginning stages.

Tying it all up

And of course, there are always the non-mechanical toys for couples. Bondage play is a popular way to heighten the orgasm experience. By restraining one of the members of the couple, the other can taunt for hours if they want to.

With bondage however, you will want to start simple and work your way to more advanced restraint applications.

You might like to try a blindfold ,arm guards, collar and leash play or some effective looking accessories to make you look AND feel the part!

When it comes to toys, your imagination is your best guide. Talk about your fantasies and see how you might be able to make them come true. And do a little online voyeurism, who knows where that will lead when you’re done shopping?

By: Iris Emery

About the Author:

Skyler

Toys are not only intended for kids. With the wide range of toys for adults, there's no reason for you not to find the right one for you and your partner. It can spice up and add fun to your boring sex life. Introducing a sex toy to your partner can be very hard. But there are lots of simple ways to introduce these sex toys and here's how:

• You can talk about it as a usual conversation. Do not bring up the issue just right before your sexual scene. You have to find the right place and time to discuss about this matter to your partner. Create a very casual mood before starting a conversation.

• When your partner says yes, don't rush on things, start a conversation that might sound fun, to be able to encourage her. Sometimes, making a research together on the internet or magazines is one of the best ways to bring it up without any embarrassment. Many people are just afraid of trying new experiments. They tend to be more timid about it. By reading and researching, it can be very helpful and encouraging sometimes.

• Look for encouraging testimonials and reviews over the internet. Engaging in an online shopping is a discrete way of buying sex toys. You can take your time and look for the one that will definitely suit your fantasy.

• Before starting off, you have to familiarize yourself about the do's and don'ts of using a sex toy. Consider many other options, there a lot of sex toys in the market for you to choose from. Look for some helpful tips especially for a newbie like you.

One of the best ways to start is by using a vibrator. It's not very difficult to purchase because it is the most common sex toy today. Be more than a little advanced when trying new sex toys. After trying a vibrator, you can try a more advanced toy for you and your partner. Anal play may be one of the things that couples would want to try but do not know how to begin. Just start with little things before jumping into a more complex one. Always use the right lubricant for beginners like yourself.

Try all possible options; there are many ways to add excitement into your sex life. Maybe the non mechanical way is just the right start for you. A bondage play is great for couples who want to heighten their orgasm. You can add a little thrill when you're in bed by using this bondage.

However, with the use bondage you can start simple work and move to a more advanced play. Using a blindfold, a collar, and an arm guard you can create a more wild and suspenseful action during your sexual intercourse. When it comes in choosing the right toy for you, your imagination can take you further than any other thing. Talk together about your fantasies and find ways on how to make them real.

By: Sam W. John

About the Author:

Nancy